I wanted to share with you all what God has been speaking to my heart.  Today’s message at church really hit home for me.  Pastor Tim talked about the fruit of the Spirit.  And as I sat there I felt the Lord speaking to me.  I try (unsuccessfully sometimes) to have a heart that is open to hearing the voice of God.  It’s not always “flowery” things that I hear but rather the Lord shedding light to areas of my life that are ugly.  There is a bible verse that I used to pray everyday to God:

“Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.  

See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”

-Psalm 139: 23-24

And yet I sit here typing and wondering to myself when the last time was that I prayed that verse to God.  Why do I stray?

“You have forsaken the love you had at first.  Consider how far you have fallen!

Repent and do the things you did at first.”

-Revelation 2:4-5

It’s quite simple…spend time with God and you will get to know him.  Pray.  Read the Bible.  It’s not rocket science and yet I make it so difficult sometimes.

“You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”

-Jeremiah 29: 13

Boom.  That’s it.  Seek him and you will find him.

I’m sorry…I’m going off on a tangent.  These verses are ringing through my soul as I sit here talking to you and I’m just trying to be raw with sharing my heart.  Okay…back to the message from Sunday.  Lol.

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, 

kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

Against such things there is no law.  Those who belong to Christ Jesus

have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.

Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.”

-Galatians 5:22-24

This got me wondering what kind of fruit am I producing?  Am I producing love?  Or hate?  Am I producing joy? Or depression and fear?  As I stop and evaluate my life I can see that I’m producing a lot of bad fruit.  I’m sure you’ve all heard the saying that a bad apple spoils the whole bunch?  It’s true in life, well at least in my life.  I can’t expect to bear fruit of joy and love right along side fruit of unforgiveness and fear.  Ugh…looks like the pruning sheers need to come out.

“I am the vine; you are the branches.  If you remain in me an I in you,

you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.”

-John 15:5

Keeping it real…I’ve disconnected myself from Christ.  If I remain in him and with him then I would be producing more fruits of the Spirit.  I love God.  So much.  But what am I doing on a daily basis to keep myself connected to him?  Am I just showing up every Sunday at church and getting blessed and then leaving my relationship with God at the door on my way out?  This song is so old school but communicates so well what I’m feeling right now.  (I included the lyrics below for those of you like me who are visual).

https://youtu.be/55rl5WfY6Ak

I say on Sunday how much I want revival
But then by Monday, I can’t even find my Bible
Where’s the power
The power of the cross in my life

I’m sick of playing the game of religion
I’m tired of losing my reason for living
Where’s the power
The power of the cross in my life

I’m not content just to walk through my life
Giving into the lies
Walking in compromises now
We cry out as a generation that was lost
But now is found in the power of the cross

We believe in You
We believe in the power of Your Word and its truth
We believe in You
So we lay down our cause
That our cross might be found in You

I’m not satisfied doing it my own way
I’m not satisfied to do church and walk away
I’m not satisfied, there’s no love in my life but You

I’m not satisfied living in yesterday’s hour
I’m not satisfied to have the form, but not the power
I’m not satisfied, Oh Lord I am crucified in You.

I don’t want to be satisfied with “doing church” but not living in the joy and blessings of a life that truly walks with Christ.  Too often I have found myself simply existing.  Or to keep it real I have found myself lately struggling to survive.  Why?  Why do I accept a mediocre life?  God wants us to have life and life abundantly! (John 10:10)

I want to truly walk with the Spirit and in turn the fruits that I’m producing will change. And it’s not about do’s and don’ts….that’s religion.  It’s about a relationship with God.  He just wants to have a relationship with us, to walk with us.  I’m not trying to preach or condemn but rather share what God is speaking to my heart.  The amazing thing about God is that his mercies are truly new every morning (Lamentations 3:23).  No matter how many times I mess up or disappoint God he is ALWAYS right there offering his love and forgiveness.  I don’t want to take his mercies for granted!  I want to walk in the freedom of truly living a life WITH God.